Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Randomize
