I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
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