Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
I lost the right to judge tonight
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
