Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
Randomize
