great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
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he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Randomize