well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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