I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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