Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
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