Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
