Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
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