lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Randomize
