i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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