i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
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