Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
Randomize
