Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
Randomize
