my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
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