this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
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