I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
Randomize
