If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
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