with your own penis?
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
