Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
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