Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
