I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
He? As in you personified your dick?
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
