just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
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