I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
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