My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
Randomize
