Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
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