Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
Randomize
