Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
There are leaves in my underwear?
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
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