shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
Verdict: uncircumcised.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Randomize
