My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Randomize
