Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Randomize
