My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize