were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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