had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
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