Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
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