using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
