it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
Randomize
