no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
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