Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
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