i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
I just want to make out with him forever
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
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