boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
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