so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Randomize
