It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize