o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
I wonder if u can grow weed on Framville and sell it to Mafia Wars?
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
That was before I lit my hair on fire
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
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