how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
Randomize
