Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
Randomize
