I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
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