she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
Randomize
