I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
Randomize
