My nipple is on Facebook.
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
Sorry about my life...
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Randomize
