hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
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