you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
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maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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