When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Randomize
