I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
Randomize
