Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
Randomize
