yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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