Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Randomize
