i'm signing you up for texting rehab
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
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