this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
