think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
You need Xanax blowdarts
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Randomize
