I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
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