Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Text me some of your sweat
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
