The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
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