you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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