I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
Randomize
