All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Randomize
