How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
Randomize
