It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
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