I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
Randomize
